A coffee shop in Tiong Bahru was bustling with people, yet my attention was not on the noise. Seated across from me were two women who, fifteen years earlier during their university days, had decided to go vegan together. The same documentary, the same tears, and a midnight promise—never again to cause suffering to animals. But today, only one of them remained vegan.
Stirring her oat milk latte, Anna said, “I failed. Sarah is still vegan today, and I couldn’t even last six months.”
Sarah took her hand and, smiling, replied, “You didn’t fail. You are sitting here with me right now, choosing plant-based milk—is that nothing?”
Anna responded softly, “But I’m not truly vegan…”
Sarah’s question was direct: “Who says?”
That very question kept echoing in my mind: “Who says?” Is there someone who decides whether or not you are vegan? Or is it something else entirely? Over the next three weeks, I spoke with many people who had been living a vegan lifestyle for over a decade. What emerged was not a matter of willpower or moral superiority, but rather something tied to how we construct our identities.
Not Rigid Rules, but Flexible Thinking
There was a distinct trait shared by those who remained vegan for the long haul: they were not rigid about their rules. Take Marcus, for instance—a management consultant who travels to multiple countries every month. He has been vegan for the past twelve years.
When I asked him what he does in countries where vegan options are scarce, he laughed. “I do my best,” he said. “Sometimes I eat just rice and vegetables. Sometimes I even accept the possibility that a soup might contain fish stock. I don’t try to be perfect; I simply do what is possible, and I do it happily.”
It was a surprising answer. We have often assumed that those who stick with it for the long haul must be the most rigid. But the reality was quite the opposite—they were flexible, yet remained true to their values.
Relationships Are Just as Important
Diane, a long-time animal rights activist, shared an experience. She ate a piece of cake at her nephew’s birthday party, even though she knew it might contain eggs and dairy.
She said, “Twenty years ago, I would have gotten angry about this or isolated myself. But now I understand that my relationship with my family is just as important. A single slice of cake cannot undo years of my work.”
This mindset demonstrates that veganism is not merely a dietary choice, but an integral part of life’s balance.
The Power of “Fluid Integrity”
A pattern emerged from this entire experience: successful vegans do not view their identity in rigid terms. They live it as a practice. This can be described as “Fluid Integrity”—remaining committed to one’s values while maintaining flexibility in how one lives them out.
This does not mean they abandon their principles; rather, they recognize that every situation is unique. They do not strive to fit themselves into a perfect mold, but instead apply their values within the context of real life.
From “I Am Vegan” to “What Am I Doing?”
James’s story further illustrates this shift. He had previously failed twice at becoming vegan, but succeeded on his third attempt and has now embraced this lifestyle for eight years.
He says, “Initially, I was trying to ‘become vegan’—as if I needed to transform into a different person entirely. The third time around, I thought: ‘I am James; what can I do to cause less suffering to animals?’”
That was the true transformation—shifting from identity to action.
Evolving Motivations, Enduring Values
Elena, who has been vegan for 17 years, explains that her motivations have evolved over time. “Initially, it was solely for health reasons. Then, as I learned about animal farming, it became about the animals. Now, it encompasses the environment as well.”
This evolution demonstrates that veganism is not a static label, but rather an evolving journey.
What constitutes true success?
The most intriguing observation was that those who were flexible were not any less committed—in fact, they were more effective. Lisa, who runs a successful vegan restaurant, even employs non-vegan chefs.
She says, “Connecting with people is far more important than chasing after purity. If a newcomer visits my restaurant and tries a vegan dish, that, too, represents a form of change.”
Conclusion
Adopting veganism—or any values-based lifestyle—is not about striving to be “perfect.” It is about how you integrate your values into your actual, everyday life.
“Who said so?”—this question serves as a reminder that identity is not a static entity, but a continuously evolving process. Once we grasp this concept, we can bring balance and authenticity not only to veganism but to every aspect of life.
FAQs
1. What is the main idea of the article?
The article explains that long-term vegan success depends on flexible thinking, not strict perfection.
2. Do you have to be perfect to be vegan?
No, you don’t need to be perfect. Doing your best in each situation is what matters.
3. Why do many people fail at veganism?
Many fail because they treat it as a rigid identity instead of a flexible lifestyle practice.